Postdoc Wanted: 3 Years of Experience Required for Entry-Level Pay
The Institute of Gratuitous Computation at Fictitious State University seeks a Postdoctoral Research Associate to join a thriving research group that has produced 47 papers in the past year (citation count: 2).
About the Role
This 2-year postdoctoral position (extendable by mutual agreement and continued availability of grant funding) offers the unique opportunity to transition from one precarious employment situation to another, slightly more precarious one. The successful candidate will conduct independent research, as long as that research aligns precisely with the lab’s existing grant deliverables.
Key Responsibilities
- Lead multiple concurrent research projects simultaneously (choose whichever one your advisor last mentioned)
- Mentor PhD students, replacing the mentorship your advisor is too busy to provide
- Write grant applications for funding that, if awarded, will primarily support future grant applications
- Present research at conferences you will fund by depleting your travel budget, which does not exist
- Prepare manuscripts for submission; revise manuscripts after rejection; re-revise after second rejection
Compensation and Benefits
- Annual salary: $54,000 (your previous institution paid more, but they had lower publication pressure)
- Health insurance: included, after a 90-day waiting period during which you will be in excellent health or regret
- Professional development budget: $500, applicable toward one conference registration or three textbooks
- Two weeks of vacation (carry-over not permitted; use of vacation requires advance approval from advisor on sabbatical)
Required Qualifications
- PhD in Computer Science, Electrical Engineering, Mathematics, or “a field” (obtained within the past 5 years, though we advertised for the position 5 years ago)
- Strong publication record relative to your career stage, as interpreted by a search committee with 15+ years of experience
- Demonstrated ability to work under pressure (peer review will confirm this)
Application materials accepted until position is filled. The position has been open for 18 months. We appreciate your patience.